You Are What You Eat
by MovieBuffStarlet
Summary: Collins gets the midnight munchies. Borderline crackfic.


_A/N: I loved writing this one… XD_

Collins groaned in slight annoyance…his growling stomach was so loud that it had actually woken him up. The hunger pains didn't exactly feel pleasant, either.

He rolled over and snuggled deeper into the mattress, he squeezed his eyes shut.

_Gotta get to sleep! Gotta…_

Suddenly, his concentration was shattered with another loud grumbling noise coming from his stomach. Collins snapped his eyes open, half expecting the noise to actually wake _Angel_ up.

To his relief, Angel was curled up next to him. Still sleeping as peacefully as ever.

Another loud noise came from his stomach, accompanied by a dull hunger pain this time. Collins sighed softly, realizing that his body would not be satisfied until he got something to eat. He slowly sat up and pushed the covers back.

Angel shifted, making this adorable little mewing sound.

Grinning slightly, Collins leaned in and gave Angel a light kiss on the cheek, careful not to wake him up.

When Collins swung his legs over the side of the bed, he shuddered as his feet came into contact with the cold floor. It was a rather harsh way to wake up.

He stood up, his hands stretched out in front of him. He pretty much knew their apartment like the back of his hand, but one could never be too safe…especially in the pitch black.

He groped blindly, successfully making his way out the doorway of their bedroom. When he finally entered the kitchen area, he felt the wall for the light switch and flicked it.

Nothing happened.

Collins wrinkled his brow in thought.

_Hmmm. The damn power must be out again…_

Shrugging it off, he moved forward…

And then, pain shot up his leg as he stubbed his baby toe on something. He didn't know what the hell it was, but it hurt…bad.

"_FUCK_…!!!" Collins blurted out. Then, his eyes widened in realization…

Angel was still sleeping.

He clasped both hands over his mouth, as if to stop the loud curse from escaping.

Kind of pointless, seeing as he was about three seconds too late. But, anyway…

"Motherfucker! Ouch…that _hurt_!!" Collins hissed quietly, his toe throbbing in agony. His eyes stung.

_Maybe I should get some ice…_

He stood still, thinking about this for a whole five seconds. Then, he limped over to the counter, opening the cupboard doors. He would get some ice later. Right now, he was too damn hungry to wait.

He methodically got out the jar of peanut butter, a small smile coming to his face as he did so. Luckily, the jar of strawberry jam (store bought jam… _with_ sugar, thank you very much!) was already sitting on the counter.

As he was preparing his sandwich, he heard the creak of the floor as Angel entered the kitchen area.

_Click!_

_Click!_

_Click!_

"The lights won't work, Thomas. I think the power is out again…"

Holding his snack, Collins turned to see Angel coming towards him in the darkness. He grinned…even in the absence of light, he could see that Angel's short, curly black hair was ruffled. He was rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"I thought I heard you yelling, sweetie…are you alright??" Angel asked him, his voice slightly raspy from sleep.

"Awww…it's okay, Ang. I just stubbed my toe." He took a bite of his sandwich after his sentence, pleasantly surprised by how good it tasted.

Angel grinned at him. "Got the midnight munchies, I see."

Collins nodded, swallowing his first bite of the sandwich. "You know, this tastes _really_ good! I think I accidentally put _cherry_ jam on here instead of strawberry jam…"

"_Cherry jam_?? Does that even _exist_?" Angel giggled, very curious.

"I guess so. Here…ya want a bite??" He held it out to his lover. "It tastes _amazing_!"

Just as Angel was about to say 'Yes', the kitchen lights flickered on. The lovers blinked, stunned by the brightness.

"_Yay_!" Angel cheered, squinting happily at Collins. "We've got our power back!"

Collins was not listening, however. He had his back turned, eager to find out what that great tasting substance was.

To his dismay, the supposed 'miracle jam' was actually a personal lubricant.

Cherry flavored lubricant, to be exact.

Collins blinked, disbelieving. He could feel the bile rising…

Angel was peering over his shoulder in a stunned silence.

"_Ohhhh_…." The Latino finally managed, a small grin of amusement gracing his features.

This seemed to snap Collins out of the little trance he was in. He turned back around to face Angel. He looked down and, slowly, he pulled the two bread slices apart.

Sure enough, the bread was slathered in sticky, glistening lubricant.

"_Awww, YUCK!!!" _The professor bellowed, his face twisted in disgust. Without warning, he heaved a bread slice across the kitchen. It connected to the far wall with a sickening '_splat_!' and stuck there.

And then Angel burst into laughter. Not cute,ladylike giggling…but hysterical, painful convulsions. The kind of laugher that sends tears rolling down your face.

"What's so _funny_??" Collins demanded. "What the hell is lube doing on the kitchen counter?? And since when does lube come in a JAR???"

Angel was helpless to answer his questions. He was hunched over, one hand clutching his stomach while the other one pointed at the bread stuck to the wall.

Then the force of gravity took hold. As if in slow motion, the bread began to slide to the floor. This sent Angel into hysterics.

Collins snorted, grinning widely at the interesting little psychotic episode Angel was having. Angel was laughing so hard that Collins began to wonder if he was gonna piss himself or something...

"If you keep laughing like that…you'll burst a blood vessel in your brain, Angel…" Collins gave him a mock warning. "I'd be careful if I was you…"

"You're probably right…oh, _God_…!" Angel choked out breathlessly, finally beginning to calm down. He wiped the tears from his cheeks with the back of his hand. His face was bright red.

"_Whew_! Okay, I'm all better now!"

Collins smirked, pulling Angel into a bearhug. "I'm glad that my misfortune amused you so…"

Angel shook his head, looking up at Collins. "I'm sorry, lover. I bought that today because we ran out. I must've forgotten it on the counter instead of taking it into the bedroom…"

"It's okay, Ang. I mean, at least it tastes _good_. But…I don't think you're supposed to actually _eat_ that stuff!" Collins pressed a kiss to Angel's hair, smiling warily.

"What do you mean, honey?? You've eaten it _before_…"

"Well, I just mean…you know…I don't think you're supposed to eat a_ lot_ of it." Collins felt himself blush at Angel's comment.

And then, to his horror, he felt a spontaneous erection coming on. He wasn't sure if it was due to the lube he had just digested.

_Does eating lube make you horny or something??_

Being pressed up against him so tight, Angel felt it almost instantly.

"How about we try out that new lube, professor? I didn't buy it just for myself, you know…" The Latino grinned, giving Collins a small, playful wink.

Collins immediately felt the pain in his toe, his hunger pains, and his earlier revulsion disappear. He swallowed hard, nodding in agreement.

"I'd be _delighted_ to, Angelcake."

THE END


End file.
